My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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