Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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