I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
