dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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