why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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