i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize