So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
