The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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