There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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