I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
