And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wish my penis had a tongue
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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