im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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