my sisters under your porch take her home
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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