hotel room ftw
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
