so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize