I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
