i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
