The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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