we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
