just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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