If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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