FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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