Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
