If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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