Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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