Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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