Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
