hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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