Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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