My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
