OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
