I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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