What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
