Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
