I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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