The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
