I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
