ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize