Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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