i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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