MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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