i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
