he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize