you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
