New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize