Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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