hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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