Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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