Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
