shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My bed smells like the plague
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
