nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
