She said her name was "party"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
PANTIES FOUND
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
