I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
