My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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