Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
