there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
