I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
