I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
