I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
