I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
