i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
