Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
