Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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