I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
