on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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