The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
