dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
