im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
